Mile High Top Sites ®™

( 1 ) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
– Alan, age 10 —

( 2 ) No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
– Kirsten, age 10 —

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

( 1 ) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. – Camille, age 10 –

( 2 ) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
– Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

( 1 ) Both don’t want any more kids.
– Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

( 1 ) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
– Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

( 2 ) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
– Martin, age 10 (wise beyond his years)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

( 1 ) I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
– Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO LOVE AND KISS SOMEONE?

( 1 ) When they’re rich
– Pam, age 7

( 2 ) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
– Curt, age 7

( 3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
– Howard, age 8 (this one has very good morals!)

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

( 1 ) I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.
– Theodore, age 8

( 2 ) It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. – Anita, age 9 (Wow! - Tell Like Is the Truth!)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

( 1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
– Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is……..

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

( 1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
– Ricky, age 10

I went to the shop the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there was a damn traffic officer writing a parking ticket for over-running the meter.

So I went up to him and said,

“Come on, how about giving a man a break?”

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for also having parked partially on the pavement!!

So I called him a son of a mutant pig. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!!

This went on for about 20 minutes and the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn’t give a damn.

My car was parked around the corner…

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.”

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.

He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, “I’m so glad that you feel this way. My mother moves in with us tomorrow.”

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. ‘Good morning,’ said the young man. ‘If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.’

‘Go away!’ said the old lady. ”I’m broke and haven’t got any money!” and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. ”Don’t be too hasty!” he said. ”Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.” And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. ”Now, if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.”

The old lady stepped back and said, ”Well let me get you a fork, ’cause they cut off my electricity this morning

1. Refuse to take action on nagging problems. Procrastinate, brood, and if possible, lose some sleep over them.

2. Make a concerted effort to take note of irritations in your life and blow them out of proportion.

3. Consider the power of negative thinking.

4. Hide your sense of humor. Erase the words smile, joke, and laugh from your vocabulary; concentrate on frowning.

5. If you’ve been working a 60 hour week, try 65 or 70 or 75! Spending more time at work will give you less time to consider how stressed you are.

6. Consume vast quantities of caffeine. As a stimulant it will ensure that you are awake day and night.

7. Practice the art of “hurry up and wait”. This means dashing off to join a line-up somewhere - like the bank, cinema, or ticket outlet.

8. Make sure you drive no further than two feet from the car in front.

9. To relieve boredom while waiting for traffic lights, pretend you are on the starting grid for the Indy 500.

10. Never read a book or listen to music.

11. Play “Hide and Seek” by concealing important documents from yourself.

12. Delegate nagging problems. You’ve proved that you can’t deal with them.

13. Tell yourself that your abilities are unlimited. Do not waver from this conviction until you are fired for lack of competence.

14. Giggle nervously. It will make other people nervous, meetings will be unproductive and you won’t come away with a long list of things to do.

15. Find a disagreeable tennis partner. Perhaps your spouse.

16. When feeling stressful, breathe deeply and hyperventilate until you pass out.

17. Take up gardening. Nothing can be more stressful if you don’t like it.

18. When things are going badly, knock your head against the wall. The resulting headache will supersede the original problem.

Young children in Colorado were learning the effects about how thunder and lighting work. The science teacher explains that the month of June is more active than any other month usually for Colorado. “We have many thunder storms in Colorado in the month of June” says the science teacher.

Science teacher continues to say, “When electrical charge builds up in a thunderstorm then the lightning is formed. These electrically charged particles emits bright light and the electrical current heats up the air into a plasma mass which produces the acoustic shocks which we can hear as the roaring of the thunder.”

Children grasp their parents as lighting in background and then thunder shakes the ground. The science teacher say, “Kids we better get in ‘When you hear thunder run into shelter for safety”.

All the kids go into the recreational center. ‘We better call it day. Now kids,’ says the science teacher, “I want you to go home and ask some questions about thunder and lighting from your Grandparents.”

So all the kids agree to ask their Grandparents about lightning and thunder.

So Ashley runs home and asks her Grandfather, “What makes thunder and lightning?”. Grandpa Force says, “God is bowling and when he makes a strike, you see lightning and thunder!”

Little Ashley, says, ”Wow really, Grandpa?”

Grandfather Force says, “Yes! I fact I know God bowled a 300 game last night. I head it thunder 300 times!”

Ashley is all excited about learning about thunder and lighting and wants to go bowling. However, Grandmother Force, says “Oh, dear you can’t trust Grandpa. Honey, every one know when God is taking pictures when it’s thundering and lighting.”

Little Ashley, says, ”Wow really, Grandma?”

Grandma Force says, “Sure when you lighting you flash don’t you?.” Little Ashley says, “Yes, Grandma!”. Grandma Force further explains, “You see dear he just wants to take a picture of all the little kids on earth because they are precious to God.”

Ashley says, “Wow, I want to be a photographer!”

Now by this time Great Grandmother Force comes in the room and says, “No! No! You have it all wrong. We all know that God is opening up the heavens when it thunders and lightings. Yes, God wants us to see the heavens!!”

Little Ashley, says, ”Wow really, Great Grandma?”

Ashley says, “Wow, Great Grandma! Have you seen heaven?” Great Grandma Force says, “Yes I have dear it’s all made of Gold. When lighting strikes all around God opens up the heavens for all to see. Dear, you really can’t see anything dear because of all the flashing lighting of silver. You know God is very rich!”

Ashley say, “I want to be rich with God!”

The next day at the recreational center the science teacher asked little Ashley, “What did you learn about lighting and thunder from your Grandparents?”

Ashley said, “My Grandfather told me God is bowling. My Grandmother told me God is taking pictures and my Great Grandmother told me God is opening up the heavens for everyone to see him.”

The science teacher looked confused about this and said, “What do you believe?”

Well, little Ashley said, “Well I think my Grandpa loves bowling. Grandma loves to take pictures of our family and Great Grandma wonders if she going to go heaven soon. If you ask me I think they are ‘all off their rocker’. Everyone knows that thunder and lighting comes from their science teacher!”

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”

My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”

And that’s how the fight started…

When George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops, there were 33 (remember this number) in Washington’s boat.

It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about. Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.

Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth. Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware.

Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.

Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on. Another hour later, one of his men said, ‘General, I see lights ahead.’

They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house. What they didn’t know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden in the forest to serve all who came. General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.

Washington was the first to speak, ‘Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort.’

Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, ‘Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort.. How many men do you have?’

Washington replied, ‘Well, Madam, there are only 32 of us here without Peters.’

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen. That’s why everyone is switching to www.SatelliteLivePcTv.com to watch FREE Cable TV and hardly no commercials.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list.

16. More are losing jobs. More are finding secure ways for making money online BlogThisToTheBank.com

A man decided that he was going to ride a 10 speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther.

He stuck his thumb out but after 3 hours, hadn’t gotten a single person to stop. Finally a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn’t fit in the car.

The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he got to going to fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down.

Everything went fine for the first 30 miles. Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them.

Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other.

A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap.

The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had 2 Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph.

He then relayed, “and your not going to believe this, but there’s guy on a 10 speed bike honking to pass”.