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  • Jun
    5

    The Obama Girl is getting alot of attention today. Alright the time to break out some funny video in the making in the news. Did you hear thier going to laws agianst anyone texting while driving? Talking on the cell phone, is ok, right? Guess what? Obama Girl text me….everyone seem to be getting in the act for the Obama (look alike) and Obama Girl, hey we need some more video of the action news broadcasting Obama Girl. Sure Mira down the street has seen Obama Girl fitting in the news report on Wii Games.

    (Got a call from the Obama Girl)….Oh, no she did’nt….What??.. (obama girl talking on the her cell phone and drving to me)….where she at?… time for me to get off the road…..Girl you stimulate too much!! …(I hung up my cell phone!)

    Don’t you just hate people who talk on their cell phones while they drive? Blindly babbling away, not paying attention to the road, endangering everyone nearby … so inconsiderate.

    Anyway, today while I was chatting on the phone and driving to the dentist, I got a tiny bit distracted and turned onto the wrong road … twice. But I cleverly figured out a shortcut back to where I belonged and pulled into the parking lot right on time. Unfortunately, it was the parking lot at my doctor’s office, not my dentist’s.

    Now, I’ve always been a little reluctant to go to the dentist. When I was young, they used to lie to me to get me there. Of course once I knew what was happening I would throw a crying fit — in the car on the way to the dentist, in the elevator on the way up to the office, in the waiting room, in the dentist’s chair throughout the entire visit, in the office while my mother paid, in the elevator on the way down, in the car on the way home, and once again when my father came home that night just to be sure everyone knew how I felt about it.

    My mother was afraid of the dentist. And she shared that fear and its effects with her children. She picked our dentist based solely on the fact that he would give her lots of Novocain. Lots of Novocain. Much Novocain. Beyond that, she never really bothered about the skills-as-a-dentist thing.

    My own theory is that dentistry was invented by Beelzebub, based largely on the fact that our dentist looked exactly the way I imagined a Devil’s minion would look. And, oh, by the way, when we were finally done and wanted nothing more than to run as fast and as far as possible, he would smile at us kids, with his coke-bottle-thick glasses making him look popeyed, and hand us each a lollipop. Maybe not the best dentist, but surely a clever businessman lining up return customers.

    Today, even after better dentists have shown me that there may possibly be some redeeming value in dental care, I still get a bit unsettled before an appointment. Therefore, I have two things to say about the cell phone thing:

    1) It might have been the fact of going to the dentist that distracted me and not the cell phone. I think, maybe, my subconscious was trying to get me to go to the wrong place and miss my appointment completely. Self-protection is a very powerful instinct in times of peril. That could explain it.

    2) If it was the cell phone use, I think I deserve an exemption from condemnation because, after all, I was on my way to the dentist. Maybe I wouldn’t have been able to talk again when I came out. One little slip of the drill and, oops. Or I could have choked on one of the forty appliances they had crammed into my mouth just before asking me how I was doing.

    Either way, I feel completely justified in continuing to judge others if they use a cell phone while driving. Unless, of course, I learn that they were on their way to the dentist.

    Anyway, we need some funny video on the Obama Girl, getting too serious around here…anything about helping? Speaking of political funny. Here’s something that will probably make you laugh on some old political news. The Senate, fresh from its rancorous but indecisive debate on a constitutional amendment that would have banned same-sex marriage, has now taken up debate on an amendment that would ban regular marriage.

    A leading Republican senator stated, “When you consider how high the divorce rate is, you know there are a lot of unhappy marriages out there between men and women. I’m not sure continuing to allow them is in the national interest.”

    The Democratic whip said, “In addition to the divorce rate, you’ve got to look at how many parents are disappointed in the amount of gratitude their children show and how many children don’t think their parents love them enough. Since parents usually want more gratitude than their children can give, and children often demand more love than most parents can give, it seems there’s an inherent problem with a marriage that can produce children.”

    President Bush took an unwavering position, saying, “The kind of marriage we allow in America has to set a good example for the children of this great nation, and, frankly, I don’t think a lot of marriages out there are hitting that high marker. So I urge the Congress to pass the amendment. No more regular marriages, no more bad examples for our children – it’s as simple as that. And the result is guaranteed, because, in all likelihood, there won’t be anymore children.”

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  • May
    5

    Texas, state health officials confirm the first death of a Texas resident with H1N1 swine flu. Officials said the woman lived in Cameron County, along the U.S.-Mexico border, and had other, chronic health conditions.

    Last week, schools were advised to shut down for about two weeks if there were suspected cases of swine flu. Hundreds of schools around the country have followed the government’s guidance and closed schools, giving students an unexpected vacation and leaving parents scrambling for child care.

    “We no longer feel that school closure is warranted,” said Dr. Richard Besser, acting director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

    Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius said the swine flu virus had turned out to be milder than feared and the government decided to change its advice. So far, the virus has not proved to be more infectious or deadly than the seasonal flu.

    The CDC said parents should still make sure to keep sick children with flulike symptoms at home for seven days.

    Some think the H1N1 Flu Virus is a joke. Nevertheless, the H1N1 Virus (a.k.a Swine Flu) is a killer.

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  • Jul
    18

    Fire set these joke in your heart over 43,718 read and made you laugh. Here are the hottest jokes in the past 30 days that made the world laugh, and laugh, over and over. Laughter is the best medicine!

    Hot!: Learn How To Make Money Fast -> BlogThisToTheBank.com

    The Hottest Top Jokes! 

    Mile High Joke Of The Day: Man + Woman  
    Mile High Joke Of The Day: Having Fun With A Telemarketer  
    Mile High Joke Of The Day: 50 Dollars  
    Mile High Joke Of The Day: Hair Cut  
    Mile High Joke Of The Day: 26 Rules That Guy’s Wish Women Knew

    Total Read=43,718

     

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  • Jul
    8

    ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

    Smart man + smart woman = romance

    Smart man + dumb woman = affair

    Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

    Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

    OFFICE ARITHMETIC

    Smart boss + smart employee = profit

    Smart boss + dumb employee = production

    Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

    Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

    SHOPPING MATH

    A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

    A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

    GENERAL EQUATIONS

    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

    A successful woman is one who can’t find such a man.

    HAPPINESS

    To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

    To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

    LONGEVITY STATISTICS

    Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

    PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

    A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

    DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

    A woman has the last word in any argument.

    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

    Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”

    They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.


    Poll Added: November 29, 2009

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