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( 1 ) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
– Alan, age 10 —

( 2 ) No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
– Kirsten, age 10 —

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

( 1 ) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. – Camille, age 10 –

( 2 ) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
– Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

( 1 ) Both don’t want any more kids.
– Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

( 1 ) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
– Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)

( 2 ) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
– Martin, age 10 (wise beyond his years)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

( 1 ) I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
– Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO LOVE AND KISS SOMEONE?

( 1 ) When they’re rich
– Pam, age 7

( 2 ) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
– Curt, age 7

( 3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
– Howard, age 8 (this one has very good morals!)

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

( 1 ) I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.
– Theodore, age 8

( 2 ) It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. – Anita, age 9 (Wow! - Tell Like Is the Truth!)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

( 1 ) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
– Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is……..

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

( 1 ) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
– Ricky, age 10

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.”

Her husband ran to her with a smile on his face and delight in his eyes.

He was glowing of happiness and kissing his wife when she said, “I’m so glad that you feel this way. My mother moves in with us tomorrow.”

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome.. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ … That will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way you better check your self!

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

BONUS (10) :: Hot! : Stop Cheaters, Liars, Deceivers, Within 60 Seconds! - Without Even Listening To Them!

Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a “marriage of the 90’s” — equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn’t impressed with his culinary skills, however.

She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, “Poached? I wanted scrambled!”

Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn’t having any of it.

“Do you think I don’t like variety? I wanted poached this morning!”

Determined to please Jill, the next morning he thought, “third time’s a charm” and brought her two eggs — one scrambled and one poached. “Here, my love, enjoy!”

Jill looks at the plate and says, “You scrambled the wrong egg.”

BEFORE MARRIAGE:

Husband - Aaah! …At last! I can hardly wait!
Wife - Do you want me to leave?
Husband - No! Don’t even think about it.
Wife - Do you love me?
Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!
Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband - No! Why are you even asking?
Wife - Will you kiss me?
Husband - Every chance I get!
Wife - Will you hit me?
Husband - No! Are you crazy?!
Wife - Can I trust you?
Husband - Yes.
Wife - Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top.

A Woman gets naked in front of her husband and asks: “What turns you on the most, my pretty face, my voluptuous bust or my sexy butt???

He briefly looks her up and down and replies: “Your sense of humor.”

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can’t find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY STATISTICS

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Poll Added: November 29, 2009

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BlogThisToTheBank.com

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slow down in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1. Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate

HOT: Top Popular Downloads!

***************************

Dear Desperate:

First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5.

But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such background applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Please remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.WAV files. DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

It could also potentially cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program: Girlfriend 9.2, which runs in the background and has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the Operating System.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and can’t learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to enhance his system performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5 combined with such applications that old standby…Lingerie 6.9 (which have both been credited with improved performance of his hardware).

Best Wishes,
Tech Support

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