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A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer’s tech Support number, complaining about the error message: “Can’t find the printer.” On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the screen, but the computer still couldn’t find it.

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And another user was all confused about why the cursor always moved in the opposite direction from the movement of the mouse. She also complained that the buttons were difficult to depress. She was very embarrassed when we asked her to rotate the mouse so the tail pointed away from her.

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An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.

Customer: “I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer.”

Training stresses that we are “not the Software Police,” so I let the little act of piracy slide.

Tech Support: “Umm-hmm. What happened?”
Customer: “As I put each disk in it turns out they weren’t initialized.”
Tech Support: “Do you remember the message exactly, ma’am?”
Customer: (proudly) “I wrote it down. ‘This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?’”
Tech Support: “Er, what happened next?”
Customer: “After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can’t read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?”

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This guy calls in to complain that he gets an “Access Denied” message every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his username and password in capital letters.

Tech Support: “Ok, let’s try once more, but use lower case letters.”
Customer: “Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard.”

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Email from a friend: “CanYouFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?”

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My friend was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the workstations with her arms crossed across her chest, staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position, only now she was impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied “It’s about time! I pressed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!”